Too Complicated

it doesn't seem right

This isn't me...
What's going on?
Somehow...it doesn't seem right...

I was hoping I'd finish our chapter 3 but I end up doing nothing...
Guess I wake up in the other side of the bed, since this morning, I've been very grouchy towards other people, they couldn't talk to me straight cause when they speak, I ignore or tell them to fuck off. -.-

Was removing viruses, downloading, and tried to type something but no matter how I try, I just can't focus...

My mind is blank --- literally...
weird mood to have, waaah....hindi ko na talaga alam nangyayari sa akin, minsan nagiging tahimik ako minsan may tinititigan ako pero kapag kinausap ako no comment naman ako... duhhh!!! BLANK talaga!!!! how will I finish this kung blank pa rin!!!!!!!
lack of sleep, perhaps? -.- sana nga! pero i doubt it, kasi lagi akong tulog... I strive my best to learn things from school, at home, everywhere, pero a sudden event just made me feel so lazy --- haay... kulang pa yata ginagawa ko siguro I should try pa rin!
Heck...it ain't my problem...hindi kasi siguro effective lol... ang? malay ko... trip ko lang mag-blog, kasi, it's been awhile since nakapag type ako ng kung anu ano buti nga nde ako nahirapan lol...

Good night!

Slipping Away...Gradually

*Sigh* I'm suppose to enter a contest, about writing a story, then hopefully to win the first price. I am already writing the fifth chapter of the book which I might call "Waiting" or "Waiting for the right time" when a sudden thought flashes to my mind.
BIG LETTERS Saying : 'HE'S SLIPPING AWAY!'
After reflecting on it, I stopped writing...
'Maybe it's for the best...' to accept...that there's no way he'd risk his heart... for me...
maybe i was an EXTREME idiot when I left him... but now extreme isn't the right term in hoping..

I texted him sabi ko, "i have a feeling that you're slipping away..."
ang sagot nya naman sa akin "I'm still here"
really...you're not...hindi ko nararamdaman na andyan ka pa para sa akin...unti-unti ka na lumalayo...

kelangan ko na ba talaga i-accept? =(
hindi na nga yata niya ko mahal waaaaaaaaaaah! :((

loving him forever

I WON'T GIVE UP...

:) loving you forever...

R.S 13 07 03 / 10 14 82

A.M.A 9 15

Finally...Thanks Guys!

HARRR!! Okay na me...
:) Thanks sa mga people na nagbigay sa akin ng time para makinig
at sa mga tao na sobrang concern sa mga ginagawa ko...
really appreciate it...

we're okay na... pero we're friends, okay na yun diba?
<333

His Revelations and the Rejection

One night while talking to him on the phone he told me something that I couldn't believe what I heard, that 'something' happened while we we're together. The reason of that 'something' he said.. he was feeling lonely, cause he couldn't see me, I wanted to cry but instead I bit my lower lip and give a fake laugh.

I wonder if he truly loved me...
It was a mistake to call him and ask how he was doing, isn't this enough to make me feel unease?

Gullible, sensitive, and I have 99.9 intuition when it comes to his feelings towards me, siguro nga, pero ewan ko...
I know what I did to you was wrong, but if you don't love me, you can always tell it to me. Don't indirectly tell me how you feel, I need you to be open...
I want me to be free from the what-ifs that my mind is asking...

Anyway,I asked him if there's a chance we could go back the way it was, he abruptly said, "Ano? Ayoko nga... at ano naman ako mag-aantay na naman?" --- fuck love.. always thought love finds a way and it does wait...

For the second time, I am being rejected again. By the same boy.

Ano pa nga naman diba? He didn't do anything to make me stay to his side, the simple sorry could have been better pero kahit sorry wala siya sinabi instead sinabi niya 'I was protecting you' from what? From getting hurt? Sana he could have risk it, naintindihan ko pa sigurado... yep, he cheated, you cheated...I can't find myself to hate you...instead I'm hating me...

He didn't even try to contact me after that separation... I wanted him to do something...pero he didn't try to do anything... ano pa nga ba iisipin ko, di ba?

Ito na naman, I guess I'm giving up too soon, I mean talo na rin naman ako. He doesn't want me back --- wala ako laban don...

Bullshit. Hindi na ako niwala sa word na yan not even the meaning of it.

Am I losing him? Meaning ba nun wala na talaga? :'( I feel numb.

Edit:// Nope, la ako pakielam kahit may babae ka na sa buhay mo... ^^ AJA!

This girl ain't going to give up on you...

Online Friends Are Better

People I met online since year 2004 til present are better than the ones I met and know of in real life.

I'll never be okay

Contradict my other entry saying I'll be okay...with per se posting a mp3 titled 'I'll be Okay'...

I don't care what my friends might tell me... but hell... I'll be making another regretful decision if I care about what they say... after all, this is my fuckin life. I don't need other people to tell me what I should or should not do...

Anyways, I don't like to be called as a hypocrite... so here goes... I LOVE HIM... i really do, *sigh* but I have wee feeling that he doesn't love me anymore... *sob*
that's what I get when I listen to people's opinion how to run my damn life.
Could have been more mature than letting them ruin me, sometimes I wonder if they really are trying to help me grow or they wanted me to be down as hell.

can't wait to get that damn diploma... pass the board exams...
and leave this forsaken place... jeez...
well, going to continue studying med. since I did promise everyone that I will,
after that... back to square one.. shut up and think...

he probably be married to someone else...i wonder if i can be the mistress *laughs...*
no...i'm serious...
;D

it's nice to see you...i'll make you fall for me...even it's the craziest idea that could pop in my small brain... (a freaking warning from hell girl) Lol.

i'll wait... *sigh*

WAAAAAAAH!!!!

KINARMA AKO!!! I CAN'T GET HIM OFF MY MIND!!!!!!!!!!
it's safe to say na unti-unti lumalabas ang feelings na matagal ko na sinuppress...
i'm scared na baka mag-burst out lahat... maloloka na naman ako nito!!!!!!!

need to focus sa studies ... last term ko na!!!!!!!!! OMFG!!! HELP!!!
*bangs head sa computer table*

PS.// S> Desktop ko. Lol.

Definition of Confuse

It is when you finally meet someone new...

 

but...

 

somebody special still occupies your heart.. 

I'll be okay...

Hey you. I'm so glad to hear your voice again. It's been 3 or 2 years already. To all the bad things I said to you, 'sorry' really thought I could go back... but guess I'm wrong...
you're right when you told me, "hindi na kelangan" pasensya na kung nasaktan kita...I was just making you feel uneasy like you did to me... gumanti lang ako that time... and well, believe me or not... I let you go because I love you.. and I always will -_-" nasa huli talaga pagsisi... pero, i'll be okay... :) you won't hear from me again... that I can assure you... ayun... lam ko you're no longer concern kung anu man kadramahan ko... I just want you to be happy.. you already moved on... and I'm happy for you... :) I can finally let go of this feeling... nasagot ko na ang what if ko... ;D

NOTE: I'm not sure kung binabasa or nabasa mo ito but hell... blog ko ito kaya ala pakielaman lol...but I'm quite sure na hindi...kasi kung dati you did nothing but to whimper and you let me go without doing anything...ano pa ngayon na nakalimutan mo na lahat... you said it... nagka-amnesia ka... buti ka pa... :)

It's time to let you go
It's time to say goodbye
There's no more excuses
No more tears to cry

There's been so many changes
I was so confused
All along you were the one
All the time I never knew

I want you to be happy
You're my best friend
But it's so hard to let you go now
All that could have been
I'll always have the memories
She'll always have you
Fate has a way of changing
Just when you don't want it to

[Chorus]

Throw away the chains
Let love fly away
Till love comes again
I'll be okay

Life passes so quickly
You gotta take the time
Or you'll miss what really matters
You'll miss all the signs
I've spent my life searching
For what was always there
Sometimes it will be too late
Sometimes it won't be fair

[Chorus]

I won't give up
I won't give in
I can't recreate what just might have been
I know that my heart will find love again
Now is the time to begin

[Chorus]

I can't hold on forever baby
I'll be okay